What If Relationships are not What We Think They Are—What if They are so Much More?
What if relationships are not what we think they are?
I was journaling after a recent breakup and my pen just started writing. I didn't read what I had written right away, so when I found it weeks later, it was like reading a message from someone else. I believe another part of me took over when I was writing, to deliver much needed wisdom when I was deeply hurting. I want to share it with the hope it helps you in some way.
I hurt you to show you how you need to start loving yourself.
I stayed away from you so you can learn to accept who you are as an amazing person.
I neglected you, to show you that you are worth so much more than you are allowing yourself to be or receive.
I am in your life, to show you how to love yourself, so you can show others how to love themselves. I am here to reflect back to you the love you are not giving yourself.
You are not allowing yourself to BE the beautiful, gifted woman you are.
I had to hurt you so you can see how special you are and how deserving of love you are, to show you it's time to let go of "not enough." I hurt you and remained selfish so you can find your way back to you.
I left you alone so many days and nights, so you could learn to trust who you are and to let go of feeling inadequate. You are more than adequate. I believe in YOU.
Remember, we chose this, you and I.
We chose our roles before we got here. You chose to be the woman, and I, a confused man, in this life, on this particular stage. You chose to pretend to be weak and worthless, and I chose to be emotionally absent, and distracted by addiction. My neglect of you, had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.
I avoided you so you could begin to see for yourself. We both chose this dance, you just forget.
You needed me as the catalyst for the change you are about to bring into your life. You are on the threshold of having the life you want, and first you have to learn to love yourself for who you are. All of you. You are not flawed, you are not inadequate.
You are spirit, here to help others open their hearts, and you've forgotten. We are spirit buddies, remember?! We are here playing out our physical roles! I am here to nudge you along on your path.
The angrier you are towards me, the more you see in yourself and the more it moves you forward.
I'm here to send you to the next stage of your life. I'm here to support you with who you came here to be. Without me, you would have been too comfortable. You wouldn't have had reason to grow.
So, instead of kicking and screaming and panicking or getting angrier, just look...what are you doing? Know, you have it in you. It's time to stand on your own two feet.
I'm here. I'll always be here...until you don't need me anymore. Until you are flying free. I'm here to help you get there and this is the crazy dance we came up with, remember?
Oh, and, your other ex? He's in on it too...he is here to drive up all your shame and powerlessness, so you can let that go too!
You are so loved! We all love you. Your family, friends, every relationship you've had. We are here for you to shine and I have been the push you need to get there.
Trust yourself. You are an unlimited being. You choose so much discomfort and suffering, but it doesn't have to be so hard.
Surrender. You chose this. You created it. Let go of the resistance and go. We are all here, we all have your back.
One day, you will remember our agreement and smile.
When I read my own words, I was stunned. I sat with it for a moment and let the message sink in. It was such an eye opener to realize it was true. I didn't love myself or feel worthy in so many ways. The biggest insight came when I realized how much I had suffered in the relationship because I was blaming him for making me feel unworthy, when in fact I felt that way before I met him.
Our relationship mirrored back to me what I felt about myself. I also believe in life's bigger picture and how our relationships are much more than we think they are, so the idea that we came together, him as a catalyst for me to learn this personal lesson, made so much sense. It gave me a lot of freedom. Yes, I'm also hurt and healing, however having this new perspective shifted my focus away from blaming him, to looking at ways I can learn to love me...all of me. That changed everything and set me on a new path to self-love.
The concepts that Lori described in her automatic writing are a good example of the "Theatre Life Plan" Chad Cryder covers as part of the Catalyst Life Coaching Intensive.
If you're interested in learning more about the Theatre Life Plan and/or becoming a Life Coach, visit our website to learn more.