Recognizing My "Too Muchness" as a Gift
A couple months ago, I upset a friend. I told her how I needed our friendship to be. I’m not sure I picked the right time (I’m not actually sure there is a right time), I probably didn’t use the right words and possibly not the right tone, but it was the right thing for me to do.
How I am is who I am
I’m not a half measure kind of girl, especially when it comes to relationships. I’m not just talking about the intimate relationship with a lover either, I’m talking about all relationships. The relationships I have with my kids, my siblings, my parents, my friends, my work colleagues and my clients. I’m ALL in, fully and right up to the top. I’m deeply caring. I’m beautifully giving, I’m incredibly honest and I’m wonderfully thoughtful. I’m unapologetic about how I am, because that’s who I am and it’s what I look for in return. For me, relationships are a connection and a fair one at that. Relationships are a giving and receiving of ourselves, they are an honouring of one another’s needs. They are a beautiful design; a dance of personalities, perspectives and purpose.
Are you “too much?”
For years, I’ve often felt like I’m too much. I can talk too much. I definitely question too much, I dream too much, I often worry too much. I’ve been guilty of playing, exercising, eating and drinking too much. I’ve always worried too much. I give too much. I see, hear and sense too much. I certainly say too much and I want too much in return. All of this “too muchness” means I can be “too much” for some people. Too much can be intense, I get that.
It can be intense for me, so I’m aware it can be intense for others too. It’s a powerful and passionate way to live. Too much breeds determination, dependability, depth and desire for people like me.
Being too much also has a down side. Life in this manner can take on a distorted “all or nothing” view. It can create isolation and separation as one struggles to fit into the consistency of the world around them, what I refer to as “the grey” that middle ground between the black and white thinking.
I have tried to level myself out, tried to be a little more linear. But you know what? I can’t. I just can’t. At 45 years of age, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I don’t need to be more level. I am fabulously and magnificently too much. With my “too muchness” comes an incredible capacity to not only grow myself, but to grow others too.
Being comfortable in your own skin
So how does one go about being comfortable in their own skin? How does someone own their uniqueness and boldly deliver it to the world? It starts with being honest with yourself. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Who am I most comfortable showing up as?
- In what environment do I feel most at ease and most alive?
- Who can I spend time with without having to censor myself and end up being something I’m not?
- If you were to write down who you really know yourself to be, what would you write and how often do you show up like that?
Being comfortable in my own skin has also been about self-management, which has been a wonderful tool for me. In asking myself the above questions, I’ve gotten to know myself more and I know how to tune in, dial up or turn down my “too muchness” in any given situation. I also know when NOT to turn off who I am in place of being something I’m not.
I’ll share something with you here, the more you unashamedly rock up as yourself, the more you give permission for others to do the same. You will attract other like-minded people that not only accept, but encourage you to be you. Your authenticity naturally encourages them to be them. Remember, not everyone is ready to expose their true-selves and when the “fakes” out there come up against those of us that are stripped back to our real-selves, it can make them feel very uncomfortable. The discomfort however, is theirs, not yours.
So, I encourage you to get to know yourself, ask yourself some questions, self manage your gorgeousness and then bravely strip back what you think you should be and be who you really are. Before you know it, everyone will be getting naked and running about with you!