It’s Important for Givers to Receive in Order to Keep on Keeping On

It’s Important for Givers to Receive in Order to Keep on Keeping On

I just completed a call with a fellow Catalyst. I assumed the call was a business consultation. I assumed wrong. Assumptions are nearly always wrong. Right?

When the conversation started, I immediately went into, “How can I help you?” mode, almost to the self-sacrifice pattern that I know so well. My friend and fellow Catalyst was quick to turn the conversation around and let me know that he called to help me. “What?” He wanted to help me? Say that again. I don’t know that game. How does that work? You don’t want anything from me? I don’t have to bend over backwards to help you (at my expense). You are freely gifting me with your time and energy—even when I did not ask for it? “What?”

Deep breath. Another deep breath. One more, just for fun.

It took me nearly a minute to reorient myself to the conversation and begin again. I honestly was dumbfounded. I’m so accustomed to helping others, that when someone offers to help me, it literally takes me off guard.

A few weeks ago, I had a call with a coach who told me I was working too hard and too much. “Is there such a thing?” I wondered. She told me I was working with too much masculine energy. I was trying to control situations by “grinding and hustling” and it wasn’t getting me anywhere. She was right.

Instead, she suggested I work more with my feminine energy and let things “flow.” She told me to focus on playing, having fun and to try not to work so hard. She reminded me that my most popular article, “How My Yoni Massage Brought Unexpected Healing and Orgasm {Adult}” was very feminine, emerged effortlessly and was written in record time. In essence, it flowed. Truth. On the other hand, the sports article I agonized over, took hours upon hours to craft and likely will not be published—for good reason. It’s not my best work. It did not flow.

She suggested it would be good for me to receive from others. It’s just as important to allow others to give—and more importantly to accept the gifts they give—as it is to be the person giving. As a giver, I know it feels good to give. I also know it can be exhausting when you give too much, and/or give to the wrong people and/or give for the wrong reasons. Although I make it a point not to give with an ulterior motive, or with an expectation of getting something in return, there’s a possibility that I have unconscious patterning running in my subconscious serving a need for validation or based on old limiting beliefs of not being good enough or deserving of love, affection or adoration without offering something of value in return.

What is becoming increasingly clear to me, is that we must give from the overflow. Lately, I’ve been trying to give from an empty cup. It simply doesn’t work.

We need to receive in order to fill our cups so there is overflow to offer to others. We don’t receive when we fail to accept a compliment, when we take on more than our fair share of the workload, when we take on other people’s responsibilities as our own and when we fail to take care of our own basic needs like sleep, hydration and the consumption of nutritious meals.

Another thing that happens when we’ don’t receive, is we don’t allow other givers the joy of being that special someone to give the gifts for a change—whatever that gift may be (a smile, a touch, a hand held, time spent, a book to read, a ride to the airport, a joke, a laugh, a memory, a meal, a nice thought, a listening ear, a thinking of you text, a kiss, a flower, a song, a note, a dance, a dream, a card, an inside joke, a heartwarming letter, a trip, a favor, a poem, a photo, a job, a lead, an opportunity, a promise, a drink, a blessing, or hope).

When we fail to receive and accept the gift, the giver isn’t allowed to experience the joy of gifting you with their time, talents and heart. Plus, you miss out on receiving the gift itself and the joy of watching the giver experience joy while giving you a gift.

Back to my call with my friend Mark. He and I met up at an event over the weekend and he called to let me know he was aware of the work I’ve been doing and wanted to know “How he could best help me use the momentum I’ve gained to further my goals.” How cool is that? He also told me a lot of other nice things about who I am as a person and how he felt in my presence. Of course, I cried.

More importantly though—I received it. I took it in and it filled me up. Before we hung up, he let me know that if I was ever feeling down, I should remind myself of the conversation we just had. I was five steps ahead, I wrote most of our conversation down (and will likely make many of his quotes into memes) so I can reference them on the daily.

These are things that people just don’t tell each other very often. That’s unfortunate, because it was so meaningful to me.  Reach out to those who have touched you in some way. Give them the gift of your words, your presence and your time.

It’s not about material things, it’s about how you make them feel about themselves and how you feel when you’re around them. Tell them what they mean to you. Tell them what their energy feels like and how they’ve impacted your life. I promise you won’t forget it. More importantly, neither will they.

Let’s Dance, it’s a Beautiful Day. 

The Wounding: The Path to Self-Acceptance

The Wounding: The Path to Self-Acceptance

Managing Milestones After A Loss

Managing Milestones After A Loss