My Son—When She Steals Your Heart, This is My Wish for You
It's interesting as a mother watching your child navigate life and love. Even more so when you realize how little control you have over the entire process—especially when it comes to their love life.
Of course, I have ridiculously high standards for my son's mate, because my son is an incredible human being. He’s extremely compassionate, empathetic and funny as hell. He can sense your emotions in a glance and comfort you with his words, deeds, shoulder rubs and awesome hugs.
When I think about everything my son has to offer in a relationship, I have high hopes and dreams for the woman who steals his heart. I want her to meet him on every level. I want her to be just as compassionate, empathetic and funny as he is. Even better if she can comfort him with words, deeds, shoulder rubs and awesome hugs.
With that said, My Son, here's my wish for your dream relationship:
- I wish for you a relationship that gives you opportunities for endless smiles and boundless love.
- I want for you a relationship that keeps you guessing and laughing and learning and growing.
- I invite you to make home with a woman who challenges you to be your very best self in a way that tests your limits but not your character.
- I would love for you to surrender to someone who knows you as well as I do, but who offers a level of intimacy that a mother will not know.
- I want for you a relationship that is built on a foundation of trust, respect, honesty, and joy. From those essentials, all others will flow. Without them, you will flounder.
- I’d like someone who appreciates me and the relationship you and I share, yet one who is strong enough to manage your needs within your relationship.
- It’s important to me that your partner be someone who is inclusive and respectful our connection, memories, and activities; and will celebrate alongside us.
- I want for you a relationship that helps you to evolve and lean into change as you celebrate aging together.
- You’ll need someone you can be safe with. When I say safe, I mean safe in all ways: physically, spiritually, financially, and sexually.
- I wish for you someone you can share your innermost thoughts and dreams with while they stand by you and support those dreams 150%.
- I pray you have someone you’re proud to show off to your friends and family. When I say "show off," I’m not talking about their physical qualities. I’m talking about the beauty of their spirit. This person will be equally proud to show you off as well.
- I wish for you someone you can take dance lessons with, who will dance with you in the kitchen—whether there’s music playing or not.
- I dare you to find someone you can talk to all night long while staring at the stars, regardless of what time you have to get up in the morning.
- I challenge you to find someone who gets your sense of humor and laughs at all of your puns; because you’re such a “punny guy.”
- You need someone with deep insights to be able to “go long” with your conversations because you’re such a great thinker and can really talk through big concepts.
- I want you to have a lover who you enjoy being around at all times—not one you just enjoy in the bedroom.
- I smile thinking of you being with someone who makes you smile with just a thought.
- You will be blessed to have someone you can’t wait to get home to.
- What a blessing it will be to have someone you want to wake up to every morning—even if you had a fight the night before.
- I want you to connect with a woman to birth your child(ren) and share the joys of parenting with.
- You deserve a woman you can communicate with—when times are tough, when times are good, even when times are just plain ‘ole boring. Communication is the key to all things holy when it comes to relationships (in my opinion).
- I pray that your partner will work with you to ensure your needs are met in the relationship. I pray that you can both express your needs and work together to meet in the middle. Everything is “figureoutable” if you try.
- You are worthy of a relationship that doesn’t take away one iota of who you are but only ENHANCES you.
I know you’re not ready to settle down and get married anytime soon. That’s just fine. Take your time—enjoy your youth. While you’re having fun, be thinking about the kind of relationship you want to commit to and what your priorities are. Don’t settle for any less than THE BEST. You deserve to have everything you want and more.
These are my wishes for you.
I love you,
While I would love all of these things for you. I know that you, my son, will make the best relationship decisions based on your heart and whatever logic you choose to apply to love.
I understand that while this list is heartfelt and truly represents my wishes for your best relationship, it's a prescription of relationship ideals and a projection.
I further understand that your relationship needs and desires for a partner are VERY LIKELY different than mine.
While I can hope and pray that your relationship has all the fun, exciting and loving things that I wish for you, the fact of the matter is, I trust you to define those things for yourself.
A version of this article first appeared on The Good Men Project.