A Letter to a Woman's Tender Heart in Today's Difficult Dating Scene
I know you’ve been feeling pretty broken lately. So I wanted to reach out and remind you of how strong you are. I am so proud of you.
You are one of the most resilient beings I have ever known. You fell in love with a man that didn’t love you, in the way that you deserved to be loved. He broke a little part of you for a while, but you are so strong that you figured out how put yourself back together, both with and without my help.
You weren’t supposed to have to parent in a part-time capacity, or to do the hard parts of parenting by yourself. Neither one of us signed up for that. There are days it hurts me as much as I know it hurts you. And I know there are days when you feel like you’re a total mess and getting it all wrong. There are those days, when you feel at your weakest, and get so angry it constantly seems like everyone looks at you, expecting you to always be the strongest. My dearest Heart, I promise it’s ok to feel weak sometimes. Our daughter is beautiful, crafty, stubborn, resilient, independent, and so smart. She is just like you, Heart, and she will be fine.
You are so brave. After a good long talk, you finally agreed with me that it was ok to try dating. Sure, we had some fun with that for a while, but you got right on board with me when I suggested that maybe it was time to get serious about the idea of another relationship. I have so much respect for you, that you were willing to take that chance.
We were in a relationship with a man for a while, and while we disagreed about some parts of that relationship, we always agreed that he was a good man who truly valued us. I know you are still sad the romantic part of that relationship has ended. But Heart, I am so glad that we have agreed about remaining friends with him. He’s a decent human being and I know we can trust him.
But here we are again, back into the realm of dating. I know you’re scared. Dating is hard. It’s weird. It is nothing like it was when we were kids, and I understand you when you say sometimes it feels hopeless. I know you often wonder what’s happened to “old-school” romance...I do too. And I know that you’re terrified we’re going to end up alone.
It hurts when we get stood up, or when we get ghosted. I try to help you through those moments because I know it hurts you worse than it hurts me, but trust me Heart, it does hurt me too. I struggle a little bit more, each time we feel those kinds of pain, to maintain the ability to trust, or to use reason and logic to explain different situations. I know it’s harder for you because you feel so much more than me.
But that’s why I love you. Each time we get hurt, even if it’s only a little bit, you feel so much. Your emotions can be so strong sometimes, but you always figure out how to get through it. I respect so much that you always ask me for help to get through the really big stuff, and I try to give you the time that you need for healing. But Heart, I respect even more that, no matter how large or small the hurt, you are always, always, always willing to try again.
You are so brave, Heart.
You are my hero, and my teammate. I’ll always be here to support you when you’re hurting, I’ll always try to give you the explanations of ‘why’ that you’re looking for when you’re hurt, and to encourage you to keep going, because I know you can.
Please don’t give up on love, because I know how important it is to you. We’re in it together, Heart. It’s important to me too. I know we will find that love that’s meant only for us – we just have to keep looking.
So, Heart, I wrote you this letter to remind you of how incredible I think you are. I’m always here for you. I won’t push you when I know you’re hurting, but I know you can keep going, so I’m encouraging you to do just that – keep going.
I love you,