Life in the Catalyst Intensive: Free-Flow
Settling in with my notes after class number two, sitting for a quiet minute as the whole process begins to…well, process, when “free-flow,” aren’t only words that come to mind but a feeling that I chill into.
- characterized by easy freedom in movement, progress or style (Merriam-Webster)
- able to move without anything stopping it (Cambridge)
- happening or done in a continuous natural way (Cambridge)
I’m here - for a reason. Many neurotic and dysfunctional reasons, if I’m being honest. I didn’t come here because my life has been all daisies and sunshine.
To the contrary. I’ve been through some shit. A lot of it, and I’ve helped myself, to a very large degree. What I know for sure though, is you cannot truly know how much you’ve learned or healed within yourself until you put it into practice in situations where all you’ve learned has the opportunity to serve you.
So here I am, in the SHFT Catalyst Coaching Intensive. I don’t always easily participate in group conversations or comments, but here, I have to. As I step out of the silence of my comfort zone and into a zone of uncomfortable insecurity and vulnerability, my old reactions start to pop up. My words that so easily flow from my pen onto paper get stammered and stuck in my jumbled, nervous head. When I can actually pull together a whole sentence and brace myself, heart racing, into the courage to speak it out loud, I start to perspire, which even in a virtual classroom, makes me more self conscious!
I speak up, in spite of the sweat and all of it happens in a split second, then it’s over. I survived. Deep breath, ahhh…relax. As the reality of the free-flow acceptance of this course washes over me, I feel a calm, gently rolling wave of welcoming peace. I’ve come into this space of learning and community not knowing exactly what to expect yet ready and willing to open myself to experiences that will push me out of comfort zones and into arenas where all that I’ve learned can be put to the test and put into action. Right away, humility steps in and I am reminded there is always more to learn and always more to practice. Even with my uncomfortable insecurity thrown in the middle, I feel the imminent and easy flow of progress in my personal evolution.
The organically expansive freedom to express my individuality while simultaneously becoming part of a non-judgmental group of humans, gives me permission to be who I am and to stop trying to torture myself into a space of normal, where I’ve never, ever seemed to be able to make myself fit.
In this moment of realization, my insecurities begin to fade. It takes the fire out of my fear and I am able to get up from this quiet minute of sitting time, with an overwhelming need to sing…
“Don’t worry, ‘bout a thing… cause every little thing’s… gonna be alright” ~ Bob Marley : )
Want to chat with others who've been through some sh*t too? Welcome to the Catalyst Coaching Intensive.